All You Ever Wanted To Know About Me But Weren't Aware Of Because You Don't Actually Know Me

Born at the age of 0, I rapidly grew at a rate of approximately one year every 365 days (with some fluctuations). No sooner had I reached the age of three, than suddenly I would be striving for four, and so on. My parents were insistent that I should go to school, and so, at the age of four and a bit, I went. Up through the ranks I climbed (reaching the prestigious Year 6 after only 6 years of education), and when my intellect outgrew the demands of primary school, on I went to secondary.

The later years of my education went past in something of a haze, caused either by careful manipulation of my memories by some governmental conspiracy, or by the fact that I didn't get out much. I suspect the former. In any case, it was a further seven years before I left the sixth form of my secondary school.

Going to university, I knew that I had the vistas of boundless knowledge unfurling ahead of me. Sadly, it was also while I was in university that Youtube really took off. I'm still not sure what happened in my second year, but I dimly remember some lecturers saying things that seemed terribly important at the time. I left university with a sense that there were great things ahead of me, and that I would surely be able to tackle them if I paid attention for five minutes.

This brings me neatly to today, a time in which every option in the world is open to me, and I'm sitting here typing my biography into a text editor. Says it all, really, doesn't it?